Values-Based Parenting
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Values-Based Parenting



Sometimes, when you aren’t sure what values are most important to you, clarification can come by looking at what you don’t want.  I’ve put a couple  “case” experiences together to create a possible family situation. Perhaps, such a "case" will help you become clear on what IS important to you for your family.




This “family” is a family of four, the mother and her three children, a 6 year old boy, a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl.

The children were creative and fun- loving but very rude and disrespectful.  Observing the children with their mom I could see where their rudeness and disrespect was coming from. 

The mother actually allowed the three children to fight constantly among themselves.  In addition, when one child wanted to talk to his mother, the other two, afraid of not getting their fair share of attention, would compete for the stage!   The conversations became louder and louder as each child tried to be heard first! 
  

It was suggested that they begin to listen to each other about their ideas, feelings and thoughts. Mom was also encouraged to have one-on-one time with each child. Gradually, each child began settling down, after he/she felt listened to and heard. Gradually they began listening to one another when they were together. The family dynamics calmed down.

VALUES-BASED PARENTING: 
 

Some years later I realized that when a family knows what they stand for, what VALUES are most important to them, it is much easier to create a life-style from such a foundation. 

Have you thought about your values? your family values? what your "bottom lines" are for your family?



KINDNESS


When you know the values that you stand for, it’s much easier to see the words, actions and behaviors that do align with these values as well as the words, actions and behaviors that do not align with your values.
 

And I’ve also found that when you come to know the “core values” that are MOST important to you, then, teaching those values and reinforcing them becomes much easier.


You may already have your core values in place.   Looking back, I created a life-style with my children, based on values that were important to me. However, I never realized this until I began putting these thoughts on paper.  


QUIET TIME


There are many values that you can choose for your family. 



Following are  24 VALUES for you to consider as potential candidates for the values that you feel should play an important role in your family. You may think of others. Reflect on what is already working in your family and see what underlying values are already in place.  Are there some new ones you'd like to bring into your family? 



JOYFULNESS
                                                                        CREATIVITY


OPTIMISM                                                                          CARING


HONESTY
                                                                             TRUTHFULNESS


HELPFULNESS
                                                                      RESPECT


COOPERATION
                                                                    PEACE


CALM
                                                                                    HAPPINESS


COMPASSION
                                                 FORGIVENESS


KINDNESS
                                                                            TOLERANCE


LOYALTY 
                                                                               SERVICE


COURAGE
                                                                            GRATITUDE


HEALTH
                                                                     PATIENCE


QUIET TIME                                                                    APPRECIATION


There are no right or wrong values to choose.  Although I really appreciate all these values, I find that beginning with just four values is usually the easiest to manage and implement. Other values can always be brought in to emphasize a particular point as needed.


When you know what is most important to you, choose those values, align with them and then teach them to you children.


UPCOMING VALUES-BASED TELECLASS: 

In January, I'll be presenting a 5 week class on this process. Often when you want to make a shift in your family situation,  setting a special time aside to focus on the such a shift, can be most helpful.    

If you are interested in knowing more about VALUES-BASED PARENTING and the upcoming Teleclass in January please,  Click Here.


Happy Parenting,

Sharon 







4 Comments to Values-Based Parenting :

Comments RSS
Jeannette on Monday, November 30, 2015 10:12 PM
This is a great reminder to me to actually have a conversation with my kids about our values. I emphasize things like kindness, honesty, doing your best, and manners, but I've never actually talked about what values are and what our most important values are with them. Thanks for this encouragement Sharon.
Reply to comment
 
sharon on Tuesday, December 01, 2015 1:14 AM
Thanks Jeannette so much for sharing. I do believe that putting words to what you are doing has an added benefit. When a child has an "overview" of what is happening, such as understanding that "kindness, honesty, doing your best, and manners are VALUES, they can use that understanding in other situations. One day they might be able to articulate that the value of "quiet time" for example, is very important to them, and they might want more alone time. You appear to be a very aware parent, so if you do decide to articulate the idea of 'values' to your children, I'd love your feedback on what you experienced with your children. Thanks again for sharing.


Pernilla Lillarose on Monday, November 30, 2015 10:21 PM
Core Values are essential to live a peacefilled Life. I think it is essential to not only teach our children about core values, but the parents need them too. Your post is really clear about this issue and great for parents to feel guided by. I remember when I finally got in contact with my core values and started honoring them, it became less and less attractive to compromise them for anything that was not coherent with them. That is what most of us have done for so long and a possible reason that the world is in such a mess. It is not too difficult to get in touch with these values, but because we've all been so afraid to be different than others, we have squashed them in order to fit in. It is so great you are bringing attention to such an important issue. :)
Reply to comment
 
sharon on Tuesday, December 01, 2015 1:27 AM
Thank you Pernilla for your wise words here. Yes, often we deny our core values, and sometimes, we don't even realize what our core values are...to honor them. Also, sometimes our values shift and we don't even articulate the change at first. During the last 15 years of my life, I've become more and more a "country lady", living in small towns and in nature. Finally, a few years ago I began to articulate this. Things can sneak up on us sometimes. I so agree with you that the parents..or adults in general can benefit from looking at their values. If parents desire to have their children be respectful, then they need to know it will work best if they model that value. That is wonderful that you are so strong in your values that you won't let anything compromise them. And this again, this happens as you mention, when we are not afraid to stand for our own Truth. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective!

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