Sometimes, when you aren’t sure what values are most important to you, clarification can come by looking at what you don’t want. I’ve put a couple “case” experiences together to create a possible family situation. Perhaps, such a "case" will help you become clear on what IS important to you for your family.
This “family” is a family of four, the mother and her three children, a 6 year old boy, a 5 year old boy and a 4 year old girl.
The children were creative and fun- loving but very rude and disrespectful. Observing the children with their mom I could see where their rudeness and disrespect was coming from.
The mother actually allowed the three children to fight constantly among themselves. In addition, when one child wanted to talk to his mother, the other two, afraid of not getting their fair share of attention, would compete for the stage! The conversations became louder and louder as each child tried to be heard first!
It was suggested that they begin to listen to each other about their ideas, feelings and thoughts. Mom was also encouraged to have one-on-one time with each child. Gradually, each child began settling down, after he/she felt listened to and heard. Gradually they began listening to one another when they were together. The family dynamics calmed down.
Some years later I realized that when a family knows what they stand for, what VALUES are most important to them, it is much easier to create a life-style from such a foundation.
Have you thought about your values? your family values? what your "bottom lines" are for your family?
When you know the values that you stand for, it’s much easier to see the words, actions and behaviors that do align with these values as well as the words, actions and behaviors that do not align with your values.
And I’ve also found that when you come to know the “core values” that are MOST important to you, then, teaching those values and reinforcing them becomes much easier.
You may already have your core values in place. Looking back, I created a life-style with my children, based on values that were important to me. However, I never realized this until I began putting these thoughts on paper.
There are many values that you can choose for your family.
Following are 24 VALUES for you to consider as potential candidates for the values that you feel should play an important role in your family. You may think of others. Reflect on what is already working in your family and see what underlying values are already in place. Are there some new ones you'd like to bring into your family?
QUIET TIME APPRECIATION
There are no right or wrong values to choose. Although I really appreciate all these values, I find that beginning with just four values is usually the easiest to manage and implement. Other values can always be brought in to emphasize a particular point as needed.
When you know what is most important to you, choose those values, align with them and then teach them to you children.
UPCOMING VALUES-BASED TELECLASS:
In January, I'll be presenting a 5 week class on this process. Often when you want to make a shift in your family situation, setting a special time aside to focus on the such a shift, can be most helpful.
If you are interested in knowing more about VALUES-BASED PARENTING and the upcoming Teleclass in January please, Click Here.