Have you ever had the JOY of someone really listening to you and feeling heard? Isn't it a great feeling?
For me, it was my Grandmother that deeply listened to me! It was such a GIFT!
I have found that Listening to a child, no matter what the issue is, can make a huge difference.
Do you wonder how to have more fun with your children?
Do you seek a deep, rich connection with each of your children?
Are you experiencing a challenge with your child?
LISTENING JUST MIGHT BE A SOLUTION!!
When you "really" listen and connect deeply with a child, things shift. When they know they have been heard, they take a huge sigh of relief. I've seen it happen over and over again.
LISTENING ALLOWS FOR THE FOLLOWING:
RUDENESS TO END!
WHINING TO STOP!
TEMPER TANTRUMS TO BE GREATLY REDUCED!
STRESS SIGNALS SUCH AS NAIL BITING TO STOP!
FIGHTING TO END!
ARGUING TO STOP!
STEALING TO STOP!
(Yes, this is true!)
YOU MIGHT ASK WHY DOES LISTENING SHIFT THINGS?
If so, please read on....
LISTENING SHIFTS THINGS BECAUSE ....
SHE/HE FEELS LISTENED TO!
SHE/HE FEELS IMPORTANT!
SHE/HE FEELS HONORED AND RESPECTED!
SHE FEELS SHE'S BEEN HEARD!
SHE/HE HAS BEEN ABLE TO SAY WHAT SHE FEELS!
When my daughter Tami was 2 ½ she had begun hitting me with her favorite doll, Gi Gi. Her doll, Gi Gi, was a small doll about 7 or 8 inches long. Her legs were made out of a hard plastic material, and her body was soft. My daughter would hold the legs, each in one hand and then swing the head of the doll toward me, which was also a hard plastic.
Each time she’s do it, I’d say, “Be gentle, Mommy is not for hitting.” (Gentle, was a word she learned when she was breastfeeding during her first year of life.) Although, I really felt she knew what I was saying, this did not stop her.
When I was in the book store one day, I picked up the book, Play Therapy, and read about an approach where you set the stage for your child to play and then allow her to play and see what emerges. It felt like the right thing to do so I proceeded.
I set up an environment with her little play people and a play doll house. I chose a time where she and I were alone in the house. When the time was right, I brought her into the setting.
She began playing. It’s been over 35 years, so I’ve forgotten all the details, as to my exact words. However, I do recall, I asked her questions to draw her out and into sharing what was ‘in’ her.
It only took her about 15 minutes of playing before she started telling me that she was mad at me. (She had been talking well since 18 months go her vocabulary was amazing) She's also say: “Mommy is bad!” I was shocked! However, I continued letting her talk. She said that I had said she had done something that she hadn’t done and I was a “bad mommy”!
I wish now that I could recall the exact details but I can’t. I do remember that I apologized to her saying that I was sorry and next time I would listen more.
She was happy
and never hit me again with her doll!
NOTE: When you go through the 10 Minute Miracle process, (ECOURSE BELOW) as I did with my daughter, your child may become very angry at you. If this happens hold on to your "intention" and allow her to express all of her feelings. In order to get to the bottom of an issue the anger must be expressed.
One year in my 1st grade classroom, a new child had come to the school. I'll call her Sandy. She was a gorgeous little girl. However, she had a difficulty getting along with the other children. She was not well liked. And often she would take things from the other children. When she was around then, pencils, erasers, bags of chips, etc. would turn up missing.
She would often ask to help me at recess or after school. She was an excellent helper and never took anything from my desk when we were together alone. When we were together, we'd make small talk. She had a much older sister as I recall and she would talk about her at times as well as telling me about her cat.
In talking to her Mother I discovered she was a single mother and had some challenges with Sandy at home as well.
Mom and I worked together, given her our attention, love and showing an interest in her. Gradually things shifted. She'd get along better with the children. And then nothing turned up missing when she was around. By the end of the year, all was well.
Years later I met the Mom while shopping and asked about Sandy. Mom said she was doing well and loving school.
ECOURSE ON LISTENING IS AVAILABLE!
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Since I was 18 years of age, I've seen how the "ART of Listening" changes lives, although I never "named" the process until years later.
Even with the stories above, I never gave much significance to them, until years later when I decided to share my experiences from parenting and teaching.
However, it was stories such as this, that have happened time and time again, that truly made me honor this process and eventually call it:
The ART of Listening: The 10 MINUTE MIRACLE!
And I truly feel listening is a miracle!