ALLOWING OUR SELF TO FEEL / ALLOWING OUR CHILDREN TO FEEL
As the month of November continues, I’m observing that so many people and organizations are acknowledging the importance of GRATITUDE! A popular spiritual teacher Matt Kahn, says to “love everything” that arises! To love that part of us that is rebelling, to love the challenge of the day, to love criticism, the negative emotions…to love it ALL!
If we do approach life in this way,
we come to see that everything is our teacher.
Acknowledging our feelings is an important part of life, and yet most of us have probably had experiences when we were told not to feel…not to cry…not to be angry….not to so silly or too happy. If we do not allow our feelings to flow through our bodies, they can become stuck and build up and cause dis-ease.
Have you observed that sometimes, a little, very small experience can cause a huge emotional response in yourself and or your child? In the book, Connection Parenting by Pam Leo, Pam puts it this way: “When there is a big cry over a little hurt, the tears are about more than this hurt. 1. When emotional hurts occur and there is no one to listen, it doesn’t feel safe to release the painful feelings. 2. Children (and adults) store unreleased hurts. 3. We store the tears that we don’t cry. (And her book continues with many other ideas.)
So, if we give our self permission to feel our feelings, to feel our emotions and to love our self through them, then we will learn to allow children to feel their emotions and to create a safe space for them to do so.
I’ve discovered that as we learn more in life we are able to heal more of the un-met parts of our self from past experiences. I had an opportunity recently to do just this. During a business interaction feelings of confusion, sadness, shame, criticism and frustration came up for me. They were much stronger than what the situation called for. So, I sat with them. As I did so, many past experiences arose where the same feelings were present.
I sat with them and allowed them to flow through my body. I did this for some time, remembering all the “stories” from the past. I continued allowing all the emotions, from the stories to be present.
Then I practiced a technique I had learned from one of my radio guest, Larry Kiser, who is a healer. He suggests that one locate the emotion they are feeling in their body and focus on it there. Some people see a shape or color associated with it. And in this process of being with the feeling it dissipates. An amazing practice.
So, how do we bring this into our lives. There are many ways is can be done. Here I will offer just a few and some resources for further exploration.
1. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
2. Practice safe ways of healing/releasing your feelings.
3. Develop a practice of deep listening to yourself to sense your feelings.
4. Create a safe place for your children can feel their feelings.
5. Listen to your child when he wants to share his feelings or a hurt.
6. Teach your child safe ways to release his/her feelings.
7. Love what arises!
As I’m writing this SO many resources are popping into my mind to share with you for further exploration. So, I will do that below.
I want to share with you one experience from years back as a 1st grade teacher. This one year, I had a child in my class that arrived at school on a daily basis very emotional. I’ll call him Scott. Talking to him did not work. So, I set up a large easel in the classroom with colored markers. Scott knew that he could always go to it and express himself. Sometimes, his marks were fierce and harsh with great emotion behind them. He used this way to get out his frustrations and never took out his anger on his classmates. And after he did this he was able to join in and participate in the classroom activities. In time, the easel became a familiar place where all the children learned to express their feelings, both negative and positive.
If you are continuing your daily gratitude’s for the month, I invite you to share one of your gratitude’s here. These are mine for the day.
1. I’m grateful for all my feelings, positive and negative, allowing me to heal today’s hurts and those from the past.
2. I’m grateful that my adult children are present for one another to listen to the each others hurts and to celebrate their JOYS.
3. I’m grateful for all the people in my life that I can learn from.
Wishing you a lovely day of feeling and gratitude,
Connection Parenting by Pam Leo
Living Originally by Robert Brumet
www.LarryKiser.com Radio programming with Larry is at www.BlogTalkRadio.com/VoiceOfChange
Listening to Children: The 10 Minute Miracle (at www.SharonAnnWikoff.com)