Allowing Our Self To Feel / Allowing Our Children To Feel
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Allowing Our Self To Feel / Allowing Our Children To Feel


As the month of November continues, I’m observing that so many people and organizations are acknowledging the importance of GRATITUDE!  A popular spiritual teacher Matt Kahn, says to “love everything” that arises! To love that part of us that is rebelling, to love the challenge of the day, to love criticism, the negative emotions…to love it ALL!

                  If we do approach life in this way,
        we come to see that everything is our teacher.

Acknowledging our feelings is an important part of life, and yet most of us have probably had experiences when we were told not to feel…not to cry…not to be angry….not to so silly or too happy.  If we do not allow our feelings to flow through our bodies, they can become stuck and build up and cause dis-ease.

Have you observed that sometimes, a little, very small experience can cause a huge emotional response in yourself and or your child?  In the book, Connection Parenting by Pam Leo, Pam puts it this way:  “When there is a big cry over a little hurt, the tears are about more than this hurt. 1. When emotional hurts occur and there is no one to listen, it doesn’t feel safe to release the painful feelings. 2. Children (and adults) store unreleased hurts. 3. We store the tears that we don’t cry. (And her book continues with many other ideas.)

So, if we give our self permission to feel our feelings, to feel our emotions and to love our self through them, then we will learn to allow children to feel their emotions and to create a safe space for them to do so.

I’ve discovered that as we learn more in life we are able to heal more of the un-met parts of our self from past experiences.  I had an opportunity recently to do just this.  During a business interaction feelings of confusion, sadness, shame, criticism and frustration came up for me.  They were much stronger than what the situation called for.  So, I sat with them.  As I did so, many past experiences arose where the same feelings were present.  

I sat with them and allowed them to flow through my body.  I did this for some time, remembering all the “stories” from the past.  I continued allowing all the emotions, from the stories to be present.

Then I practiced a technique I had learned from one of my radio guest, Larry Kiser, who is a healer. He suggests that one locate the emotion they are feeling in their body and focus on it there. Some people see a shape or color associated with it.  And in this process of being with the feeling it dissipates.  An amazing practice.

So, how do we bring this into our lives.  There are many ways is can be done. Here I will offer just a few and some resources for further exploration.

1.    Give yourself permission to feel your feelings.
2.    Practice safe ways of healing/releasing your feelings.
3.    Develop a practice of deep listening to yourself to sense your feelings.
4.    Create a safe place for your children can feel their feelings.
5.    Listen to your child when he wants to share his feelings or a hurt.
6.    Teach your child safe ways to release his/her feelings.
7.    Love what arises!

As I’m writing this SO many resources are popping into my mind to share with you for further exploration. So, I will do that below.

I want to share with you one experience from years back as a 1st grade teacher.   This one year, I had a child in my class that arrived at school on a daily basis very emotional. I’ll call him Scott.  Talking to him did not work.   So, I set up a large easel in the classroom with colored markers.  Scott knew that he could always go to it and express himself.  Sometimes, his marks were fierce and harsh with great emotion behind them.  He used this way to get out his frustrations and never took out his anger on his classmates.  And after he did this he was able to join in and participate in the classroom activities.  In time, the easel became a familiar place where all the children learned to express their feelings, both negative and positive. 

If you are continuing your daily gratitude’s for the month, I invite you to share one of your gratitude’s here.  These are mine for the day. 

1.     I’m grateful for all my feelings, positive and negative, allowing me to heal today’s hurts and those from the past.
2.    I’m grateful that my adult children are present for one another to listen to the each others hurts and to celebrate their JOYS.  
3.    I’m grateful for all the people in my life that I can learn from.  

Wishing you a lovely day of feeling and gratitude,


Connection Parenting by Pam Leo

Living Originally by Robert Brumet            Radio programming with Larry is at

Listening to Children: The 10 Minute Miracle (at 

8 Comments to Allowing Our Self To Feel / Allowing Our Children To Feel:

Comments RSS
Jyude on Thursday, November 19, 2015 3:26 PM
Gratitude is the answer and I am grateful that you mentioned to be grateful for all feelings that arise for they are our clue to what is going on with us and our kids!
Reply to comment
Sharon on Saturday, November 21, 2015 1:25 PM
Thank you Jyude so much for sharing here. Yes, you are so correct...our feelings show what is going on inside of us. And acknowledging that is essential. Thank you again for doing the radio show with me on this topic! So important to bring this topic into the light! And thank you for sharing YOUR light here!!

Pernilla Lillarose on Thursday, November 19, 2015 10:12 PM
This is so beautiful and touching. I couldn't agree more: If we learn to feel our feelings when we are young and allow ourselves to be who we truly are without the 'not OK'ness from others, we are well on our way. It is wonderful though that this is becoming more and more the trend - at least in my life- and I trust this is the direction we are all going in. Being a model for our children to be themselves is more important than anything they can ever learn at school. Big Love to you!
Reply to comment
Sharon on Saturday, November 21, 2015 1:22 PM
Thank you Pernilla for your thoughts on this subject. I agree that the trend is more and more to allow our self and our children to show feelings and emotions. And yet, sometimes "old patterns" can get in the way unless we are CONSCIOUS of our actions. I call it being the "watchful observer". And YES, being a model for our children...being our "authentic" self is essential to allowing a child to be who they are. Thank you for so much for your contribution here!

Kim Shea on Friday, November 20, 2015 2:25 AM
This article is helpful. It is important to learn how to release feelings, and as you pointed out, not doing so can lead to illness. We often expect children to control their emotions as they mature but the true expectation is incumbent on us to be good teachers of emotion management for our children.
Reply to comment
Sharon on Saturday, November 21, 2015 1:17 PM
Thank you Kim for your insights on this topic. Yes, often parents and others expect children NOT to be emotional or to have feelings. When that is the way they have been raised, that is often the way they parent, unless they consciously choose to parent in a different way. I think that as adults, if we model acceptable feelings and emotions, this will help children to express theirs too! Thank you so much for your sharing.

Lesa on Friday, November 20, 2015 11:42 AM
My relationship with my boyfriend hasn't always been good, as we've gone through some pretty rough patches. Recently, these fights culminated in an anxiety attack. While it was a scary thing to go through -- for me and him -- it was also freeing. Because what I realized is that I had been living under a low level of anxiety for much of our relationship. By letting myself really and truly experience that feeling and take it to the depth that it needed to go, I was able to finally free myself from it. Feelings have no power over us when we allow them to move through us. It's only when we try to ignore them that we give them power to control us. The more we learn to deal with our own emotions in a positive way, the more space we give for our children -- and others around us -- to do so as well. Thanks for the reminder, and some great resources as well.
Reply to comment
Sharon on Saturday, November 21, 2015 1:12 PM
Thank you Lesa so much for sharing your insights on this topic! What a beautiful example of the FREEDOM one is given when feelings are shared openly and honestly. And you are SO right, when we handle our emotions we do have so much for energy and love for those around us. I so appreciate your perspective on this topic and glad you appreciated the resources also.

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