Creating family "VALUES" to live by,
can bring a stability to the family
and a JOY to each individual!
At one point in my consulting career I was working with a family of four, the mother and her three children, 10 year old twins, a girl and a boy, and a 6 year old boy. The children were very challenging. The children were creative and fun loving but were very rude and disrespectful. Observing the children with their mom I could see where their rudeness and disrespect was coming from. The mother actually allowed the three children to fight constantly amongst themselves. In addition, when one child wanted to talk to his mother, the other two, afraid of not getting their fair share of her attention, would complete for the stage! The conversations became louder and louder as each child tried to be heard first! The children then became upset as well as the mother!
I worked with the children, giving them much needed individual time to talk about their ideas, feelings and thoughts. In addition, I insisted that when we were all together and one child was talking, the others would wait for their turn. After a bit of practice at taking turns this became easier for them and we began role playing on how to do this with their mom. Finally, things began to shift. I also talked with their mother too, and encouraged her to set boundaries, ask the children to take turns, and listen to each child. Things began to transform. The way they acted with me when we were together transferred to the way they were with their mother.
Some years later I saw that this type of learning would be much more easily accomplished if the desired changes were based on the family VALUES. When you know the values that you stand for, it’s much easier to see the words, actions and behaviors that do align with these values as well as the words, actions and behaviors that do not align with these values. And I’ve also found that when you truly discover your “core values” those that are MOST important to you, then, teaching those values and reinforcing them becomes much easier.
Following are over 21 VALUES for you to consider as potential candidates for the values that you feel should play an important role in your family. Consider which values you hold most dear and want to have everyone in your family live by, bringing more joy, peace and harmony into your lives!
Read through the list a couple of times. Then choose four to eight values that are the most important to you. As you continue thinking about them, your main four “core values” will probably emerge. Although I really like all the values, I find that working with just four values is most convenient. They are easy to remember and easy for children to remember.
POSSIBLE FAMILY VALUES
HEALTHY LIVING PATIENCE
INNER SILENCE APPRECIATION
There is no right or wrong value to choose. Some are very similar in meaning, so you may review yours to see if you have chosen four very different ones.
Further ideas about how to bring these values alive in your family will follow in tomorrow’s blog as well as in other blogs on Raising Peaceful Children during the month.
See you tomorrow with more on Raising Peaceful Children…